4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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