I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
