What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
