I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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