We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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