Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
