Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
