So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
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I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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