smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
