I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
