she woke up with a sticky ear
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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