It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
