Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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