You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
