You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
third nipple confirmed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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