Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize