He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
