Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
