Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
