He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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