Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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