thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
