He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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