Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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