i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
