she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
