that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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