i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we should paint friendship bongs
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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