The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
