i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
