Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
