all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
