I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
its not stalking. its research.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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