Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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