After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You ruined the universe
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
