note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
