FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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