in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
