Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
