jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
