Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
