areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
