i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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