I got chris browned last night
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
