he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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