he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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