I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
