i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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