im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm really busy with my period
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