Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
