My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
