I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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