I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
