he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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