i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
