he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
