I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
