He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
