Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
