yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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