the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
