Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
