She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I enjoy the company of your penis
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
