Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
