i will never coherently bang her
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
